How to Belong to Yourself

Over the years, I’ve learned the art of not deciding I don’t belong, of not seeing my self-worth in another’s eyes.

This process was a “fake it ’til you make it” sort of thing, choosing to believe the feelings of not-belonging and expecting judgement from others were simply conjurings of my imagination. I can’t count how many times I’ve fought with this thought: My friend looks angry, therefore I must have done something to piss her off. Then to make it worse, she must not want to be my friend anymore. Or how about this one? My significant other was short with me, therefore he must not truly love me.

But this way of thinking—reading into other people’s emotions, making the distorted thoughts about me, and making judgement calls on the relationship—is toxic, and honestly, selfish. … More How to Belong to Yourself